Notes On Amber Heard
a collection of my thoughts from old notebooks
“Please I don’t want to do this please” are the words that I will remember forever from Amber Heard’s testimony. She is describing her rape in front of cameras, in front of the world. As I watch this gut-wrenching video of her being forced to describe what is one of the worst things to happen to a woman while society watches on, laughs and mocks I wonder how we got to this point.
As I open the comment page, the first comment under this video reads “I’m getting second hand embarrassment from the way she performs”. And I think this illustrates such a pillar in the way that female victims are viewed, they must be the perfect victim (never fight back, appropriate number of tears and still composed) they see anything other than this as an overreacting performance, a hysterical woman. No, they will never consider her bravery of speaking up against such a powerful man. No they will never acknowledge the pain of not only being violated by the man you love but having to recount this to a courtroom of misogynists. And no they will never see the impact this has had on feminism as a whole.
The mockery of sexual violence was a very big component in the reaction of this trial. The trivialisation of rape goes much wider than this instance for example rape being seen as an appropriate weapon of war, male rapists being handed extremely light sentences and people saying rape is acceptable towards deserving women. All of this creates a bleak light that reared its head during this trial. From a sex toy created to be like the bottle that raped her, to viral audios of women saying they wished they were Heard because they would have enjoyed her abuse. To texts between Depp and Betnany saying that they would “burn amber and rape her corpse to make sure that she is dead”. This creates a miserable message towards survivors that their rape is something to be mocked and especially towards Amber. The gendered aspect of sexual violence is also one of the reasons it is so belittled, it is something that happens to women at a majority rate and therefore viewed as trivial . This is one of the things that haunts me most about this trial men and women alike saw all of this and continued with their misogyny-filled hatred.
By contrast, Depp was treated as a martyr of male victims with many, including self-proclaimed feminists, reposting or standing outside the courtroom with the slogan “Amber Heard is an abuser”. This pushing the message that women should sit back, shut up and take the brunt of male violence but the minute they react they are the abusers. Similarly, some people pushed the myth of mutual abuse, which is not only false (debunked by domestic violence experts) but ignores a major part of their relationship dynamic with Depp being a much older, more powerful man. Hitting back is not and will never be mutual abuse. DARVO (Deny, Attack,Reverse Victim and Offender) was also used here by Depp and maybe if people were educated more on the specific aspects of domestic violence (including the gendered aspects) Amber wouldn’t have been subject to so much hate. I will continue to hope that maybe in the future women will not be as failed as Amber Heard was but with the repetition of these smear campaigns towards women my hope does shrink every day.
This was a trial by social media as content was pushed on TikTok, Twitter and Instagram. It was impossible to open social media without having pro-Depp content shoved into your face and any post remotely supporting Amber faced death threats and doxxing. While the 2022 trial was broadcasted a choice specifically made by Depp as Virginia has very lax laws when it comes to camera in the courtroom, I can only imagine Depp picked this place to further humiliate Amber, the trial in the uk is swept under the rug. The UK trial, unlike the US one, was ruled by an independent judge (not a jury that wasn’t even sequestered), ruled in Amber’s favour proving that 12 of the 14 incidents of abuse reported in her article did happen to a civil standard. This is conveniently forgotten about when discussions of this case arises. Silenced Women by Jennifer Robinson (Amber Heard’s UK barrister) and Keina Yoshida goes into the use of courts by abusers in a lot more detail and i would recommend it.
Finally, I will always remember how people upheld male supremacy through this trial. How they did everything they could to belittle Amber make her seem completely unbelievable. How the weaponised her gender to make her seem crazy. How they did not even see Amber Heard as a human being. I think Amber Heard is one of the bravest people I have ever seen, and I will continue to support her indefinitely.
And for anyone struggling under similar circumstances I stand with you, sending you so much love and support. I will leave this with words from Amber herself: “I was raised to be independent and self-reliant. I was never given nor wanted the burden of dependency. I never felt anyone would or could rescue me, so naturally I resented the label of 'victim'. Which is how I imagine many of you feel. You, like me, see yourself not as a victim, but rather as a member of a growing class of women, daughters of a generation of equality. We have inherited far too much to be resigned to accept injustice and together we are much too strong to accept it any longer. So, as I write this today, I can promise every woman who is suffering in silence: you are not alone. You may not see us, but we are there. Your sisters are everywhere - and we are with you.”